Are you good at asking for and accepting help? I definitely am not! I’ve got better than I used to be but I’ve always had this mentality of not wanting to put people out.
Since having kids, when asking for help is kind of an essential, this didn’t bode well for me.
When you are used to doing everything yourself this can feel totally alien. And I know that for me, I was in a state of mind where I wanted everything done the way I did it, if it was done ‘perfectly’ I didn’t want help.
That’s fine but that’s where burnout begins. It can be a slow burner but before you know it you’ve set up the crazy unrealistic expectations for yourself that you need to meet these high standards 100% of the time.
I find it hard to articulate what I want help with, let’s be honest, sometimes you can’t even think straight with the sleep deprivation let alone explain what you want help with. Sometimes you won’t even know.
That’s the hardest bit I think. Being given the space and time to realise what you need help with. It might be as simple as someone looking after your kids while you nap for 30 mins, let’s be honest, naps make everything better!
It might look like your friend picking up milk and bread for you when she comes over for a playdate. Or your parents helping with the chores. Going to playgroup with a friend because you feel anxious about going alone.
It might be a night away by yourself without the kids – at my lowest moment with PNA my friend suggested this and I kind of balked at the idea – I’d had 1 night away from my 3 year old and that was when I was in labour! Leaving my 3 year old and my 7 month old with my husband for the night?! How would he look after them like I did?
But he did, they were fine and I had that total break. My friend was right. Sometimes we need that outside perspective and to trust that they know what is best for us.
It takes practice to ask for and accept help as it leaves you feeling vulnerable. But in allowing yourself to be vulnerable and accept help you can create that space for yourself and build it into your day. So it doesn’t just feel like a relentless 24/7 hamster wheel!
Is there anything you can ask for help with today?